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| Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all else seems hopeless |
The family, particularly the mother and father, will go through the stages of grief and loss. The five stages are Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. They may not necessarily go through all of the stages or in the same order, but they will go through it. They will need time to process and accept the diagnosis. They will need time to decide how they will handle things going forward. Where do you fit in and how can you help?
Don't forget the congratulations. They are still parents of a newborn. Don't let the diagnosis overshadow the birth of their child. Congratulate them and let them know that their child is beautiful and precious.
Be there. Call or send a message. Let them know that you are thinking of them and that, when they are ready, you will be there to support them.
Get familiar. You can't be there for them if you don't know what they are up against. Do your homework and learn as much as you can about the diagnosis, prognosis, and possible medical complications. Join support groups. The parents in these groups are both experienced and knowledgeable. They will help you to navigate these uncharted waters.
You can also look up information about their hospital, procedures, and services. Often times, the parents focus solely on the medical condition of their child and overlook minor but important issues. For instance, hospitals often have special rates or parking passes for patients who may have an extended stay. Depending on how long the baby remains in the hospital, things can get very expensive. For example, our parking costs alone exceeded $1800 for our daughter's two-month stay in the hospital.
Other things you can look into are benefits that may be available to the child and family; overnight accommodations, amenities in the hospital such as a family room, microwave, shower, etc.; visiting hours; and social services to connect the family with services in the community.
Get Involved. Mom and dad need to be with the baby. That means their household gets put on the backburner. Help them with chores around the house like mowing the lawn or shovelling the driveway; make a meal or organize a meal train; babysit and spend time with their other children; or visit the baby at the hospital and give mom and dad a short break. These small gestures can make a world of difference.
Supplies. They will spend most of their time at the hospital so they will need supplies. Put together a hospital bag for the family. You can include items like gift cards for coffee or sandwiches, notebook and pen, phone charger, toothbrush and toothpaste, towel, hand lotion, book, parking pass, change for the vending machines, a small blanket or throw, travel pillow, nursing pads for mom, tissue, snacks (granola bars, chocolate, chewing gum), bottled water, juice box, coloring book and crayons, etc.
Supplies. They will spend most of their time at the hospital so they will need supplies. Put together a hospital bag for the family. You can include items like gift cards for coffee or sandwiches, notebook and pen, phone charger, toothbrush and toothpaste, towel, hand lotion, book, parking pass, change for the vending machines, a small blanket or throw, travel pillow, nursing pads for mom, tissue, snacks (granola bars, chocolate, chewing gum), bottled water, juice box, coloring book and crayons, etc.
Fundraiser. As I noted above, the expenses will start to accumulate. The longer the stay, the more it will cost. For those who have been fortunate to have never been in this situation, the costs include travelling to and from the hospital, parking expenses, food expenses, and hotel accommodations just to name a few. There may also be the added financial stress of having one, or both, parents off work to care for the baby. You can help to relieve the financial burdens by organizing a fundraiser or by raising money with an online crowdfunding site such as gofundme.com or caringbridge.com.
The most important thing you can do to support the family is to simply be there when they need you.
The most important thing you can do to support the family is to simply be there when they need you.
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